Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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