youre lurking in front of me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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