Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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