I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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