do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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