I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
