Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Congratulations! We have a period
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
