Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
