I cannot find my penis.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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