Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
