how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
