She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dear god my vagina.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
