So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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