Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
