remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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