my vag is so smooth its legendary
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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