been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
