He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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