You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
