Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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