I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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