Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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