Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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