he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
