You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
