Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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