They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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