Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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