I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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