Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
