in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
