I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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