I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
