No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
