Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
