Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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