i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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