I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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