we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
