it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
