suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
