My liver just broke up with me...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
