If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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