um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
