a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hippo gnu deer
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
