HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
