I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
