I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
