Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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