Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
