i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
