38 yer olds are good kisserssss
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You may now shotgun with the bride
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
