I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
