I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im calling her cock vulture from now on
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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