I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
