In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
